I feel a lot of pressure. Sometimes, I can blend in and talk and listen away to the others, but then other times, I just wander around, not knowing what to do or where to go. And then tonight someone asked me, "Now is everyone in your family this quiet or are you one of the quiet ones?" I had to pray to God that I could still love her. I was totally crushed and humiliated. I don't know why. It isn't even that big of a deal, but I felt so awful and mortified. I am just me, and I can't help it that I am not a social butterfly. I am certainly not outgoing and talkative and loud and all those other things. I will never be. I can improve, to be sure, so that I can be more easy going, but I cannot change my personality to suit this world. I will always be rather reserved and shy, and I have to come to peace with that.
Now I am feeling rather unsatisfied with myself and am going to take a bath to try to improve that. We'll see how that goes.
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